“Who are you thinking about?”

Startled out of my reverie, I shifted my gaze from the couple under the same umbrella outside the cafe, to Samantha. She eyed me suspiciously, her eyes filled with curiosity. 

I shook my head lightly. “Why did you assume it was someone?” 

“Because you had that foolish grin on your lips.” Samantha smirked.

Agape, I covered my mouth with my right hand, not realising my face had been an open book.

“You don’t have to hide it, you know? I know you love him, right?” 

I braced myself and intertwined our gazes. I could see my flushed cheeks reflected in Samantha’s eyes. I stared out at the rain again. The couple with the umbrella was nowhere to be found. They must have headed to their cozy home, I thought. 

“I don’t think I love him, but,” I took a deep breath and put my hand beneath my chin. “Whenever he’s around, it’s not like I’m having a bad day, but with him, my chest feels so much full, my steps light as a feather. Whenever he talks to me, time is just a concept and unrealistic. All that is real is God put us at the same place to have this conversation. I thought, I want to make him laugh, I don’t want him to go, I don’t want this to end.” I looked at Samantha right in the eye, letting my guard down. “Even when I’m not talking to him, just seeing him with his friends, watching him talk to his patients, watching his back towards me, all these simplest things filled my heart with indescribable joy, an otherworldly feeling. It’s not just those butterflies taking flight in the stomach kind of thing, I feel that calmness wash over me, the constant pulse that’s been with me through it all. And when I go to the supermarket, I picture us grocery shopping together. When I’m enjoying a view, I want him to see it too. When I’m home, I want him to walk around in the house and still look familiar. I want to see him awkward in front of my parents, not understanding our inside jokes so then later I have to explain it to him. I want to explain it to him because I want to feel needed. And I just-,” my voice stuck in my throat, my breath hitched. Samantha reached over and touched my hand, giving me an encouraging smile. 

“It’s calm, isn’t it? A real love,” asked Samantha.

I realised there were tears in my eyes when Samantha looked blurry across from me. “Yes.” I nodded several times. “I’m falling so fast and I can’t stop. It’s like I’m on a rocket going to outer space.” I wiped my tears with my other hand before I said, “We’ve known each other for so long and it’s like one day, when we were talking as usual, everything just makes sense. My heart started to flutter. I noticed too much of him that I’ve never before. It made me reminisce every moment we shared in the past. I tried to analyze my feelings back then and wish I’d cherish them more.” 

“You could still cherish the future,” said Samantha, reassuringly.

I smiled, thinking time was on my side. “I will definitely cherish the present.”